Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Mature Manhood

If you are a guy, you need to read this article by Alex Chediak.

HT: Jim Hamilton


Kirk Cameron said...

You're link isn't working

Mark and Stephanie said...

Thanks Kirk, the problem has been solved. Enjoy reading the article.

Rocky and Suzanne said...

I think women should read this article too. We can all be guilty of the same things, and I for one could relate on many levels. (I guess that means I'm def. immature!)


Merea said...

Mark and Steph,
I have read this article a few times. My Dad sent it to me. I also have heard Al Mohler speak about singleness and the Mystery of Marriage and was honestly frustrated. I then read a link on this article that spoke of my frustrations. I came to the conclusion that my desire for marriage is okay. So many people have told me to be content in my singleness, it may not happen for you. It seems that Al Mohler thinks the gift of celebesy(spelling?) is very rare. I do not think I have it. What do you two think? Should I work on being okay with singleness for the rest of my life, or continue in my longing to be a wife and a mother? I feel so lost reading all of these, I feel my maturity needs a boost, especially in my indecision, but I am so confused by all of these articles to be honest. Let me know. I wish he would write about young single women who are adults. What about us?

Mark and Stephanie said...

I'm not sure we are the best people to ask about these things. I have opinions about guys and how they should handle this stuff, but I've never been a girl, so I can't fully relate to your situation.

You probably already know about these resources, but this blog has insightful stuff: Also, I find Nancy Leigh Demoss to be a very godly woman with great biblical insight. You probably already know her, or your dad could get you in contact with her.

But here are my thoughts concerning what I think the Bible may say concerning your questions.

First, contentment is always a good, and godly thing. Paul sought to be content in all circumstances, and achieved his goal (Phil. 4:11-13, 1 Tim. 6:8). So when you mention being content in your singleness, I think that is a Biblical idea. YOu also imply contentment in singleness is encouraged because "it may not happen for you." I think it would be good to strive for contentment in singleness even if you were getting married next month. Contentment is always good.

A couple more thoughts on contentment. First, contentment does not mean that you lose all desire for things to change. Paul was content in all his circumstances. But he had very strong desires for certain things to change. For instance, that more Jews would be saved (Romans 9), that he would be able to preach the gospel in Spain and where it had not been heard (Rom. 15). So we are to be content with where God has us in life, but this does not mean we must have an absence of desire. It does mean there should be the presence of a restful trust in the good sovereignty of God.

Secondly, contentment is about today. You ask, "Should I work at being okay with singleness for the rest of my life, or continue in my longing to be a wife and a mother?" I don't see any requirement to work at being okay with singleness for the rest of your life. God has given us today, and told us to not worry about tomorrow. I think contentment, fearlessnes, and faith become very difficult when we try to map out the years ahead that are not ours to map out. God maps out our years, and our steps. He calls us to trust in His grace and to live today for Him. I like something Jim Elliot once wrote, "Wherever you are, be all there."

Last thought, you ask if you should continue in your longing to be a wife and mother. I think that sounds like a God given desire. But be careful. Just like all God given desires, it to has the potential to be twisted into idolatry. I know what it is like to want something that is very good, and to want it very bad, and to have it withheld from you. I also know that when this happens, it is easy to make that thing that is desired a god that consumes my thoughts and attention, drawing me away from trust and worship if God.

Hope that helps. I thought about emailing this, rather than posting it, but I think others may have thoughts that would be helpful and refining to us. If you would rather continue a dialogue outside of the blogosphere email me.

- Mark

merea said...

I thank you for your thoughts Mark. They are very encouraging. I appreciate you commenting back. I don't think my desire for marriage and family has become the focus of my life. I just didn't know quite what to do with those desires. =) Sometimes it seems that those desires, that seemed God given, should not be there, because it seemed as if I was not content while having those. Don't know if that makes any sense, but your words on being content and focussing on the now are always a good reminder.
I just felt like those articles and Al Mohler's sermons and writings on the topic have no encouragment for how young ladies should handle things. I still feel that way. Nancy DeMoss is good, I know her stuff well. I have even met her. My Dad and her are good friends. I think the answer to everything is to focus on Christ and the hope of what is to come in Him. It just seemed like in the articles written to the young men who said "I just want to focus on Christ" instead of looking for a wife, Chediak encouraged them that they should look for a wife to help there maturity in Christ. I guess us single women need to wait in every area.
Well, this has turned into quite the blog conversation. Sorry if I was too long winded. =)

merea said...

I read through my comment again and found a billion grammatical errors. One stands out especially. "a wife to help THEIR maturity" ha ha ha. better correct that.

Mark and Stephanie said...

Yes, I totally understand how Dr. Mohler's sermons and articles on the subject would leave a single girl with a lot of questions. I bet you've read Piper's chapter on singleness from Biblical Manhood and Womanhood. If you haven't, you should. I think that chapter offers a good balance, and deals with some of the things Mohler leaves out of his stuff.

Rocky and Suzanne said...

Dear Merea,

I know I don't know you personally, so you are welcome to can this advice. One of my dear friends is struggling with the same issue right now. This summer she is turning 30 and her younger sister is getting married. Just a difficult time. I would like to recommend a book I haven’t read, (dangerous I know) but have heard is good. Maybe it would be helpful. I totally understand if you don’t want to get it either. The woman who wrote the book did work for CJ Mahaney and now Joshua Harris. (she also wrote the blog Mark suggested called Solo Feminity). The book is called “Did I Kiss Marriage Goodbye?” You can even read the 1st two chapters online. (click on the link below)

I would love to pray for you as you have been on my heart since I read your comment.

A friend of Mark and Stephanie,

merea said...

Thank you so much for your heart on this. Thank you for praying for a girl who you don't even know. To be honest, I have read lots on the issue and even gone to visit the solofemininity page. Thanks for recommending the book. I will check into it. Yes, I understand what your friend is going through. It is such a deep longing by us single girls, who are a bit older that early 20s girls.=) Your hear is evident, thanks.