Here is a song I wrote for Paul, my son who is at home with the Lord. I think it expresses well what has been happening in my heart these past 2+ months... a mixture of hurt and hope:
I wanted to hike to the tops of the mountains
I wanted to tell you God's stories of old
I wanted to kiss your cheeck while you're sleeping
I wanted to teach you for Him to be bold
But now in your place all I have is the silence
And in my life is now present a void
All the dreams that were planted now linger
But they are faint and they're missing your joy
I would have changed you on top of your table
I would have tucked you snug into your bed
I would have said over and over, "I love you."
I would have worked to make sure you were fed.
But the enemy's robbed us of all of these moments
He has taken my son from my arms
I can't hug him, or kiss him, or hold him
And now life has lost much of its charm
But I know this is not the whole story
Death's defeat is surely to come
One day Christ will come in with His kingdom
And life will forever have won.
Then we'll hike to the tops of the mountains
And we'll talk of God's stories of old
Maybe I'll kiss your cheek while your sleeping
And I know that for Him you'll be bold.