Tuesday, July 05, 2005

Song for Paul

Here is a song I wrote for Paul, my son who is at home with the Lord. I think it expresses well what has been happening in my heart these past 2+ months... a mixture of hurt and hope:

I wanted to hike to the tops of the mountains
I wanted to tell you God's stories of old
I wanted to kiss your cheeck while you're sleeping
I wanted to teach you for Him to be bold

But now in your place all I have is the silence
And in my life is now present a void
All the dreams that were planted now linger
But they are faint and they're missing your joy

I would have changed you on top of your table
I would have tucked you snug into your bed
I would have said over and over, "I love you."
I would have worked to make sure you were fed.

But the enemy's robbed us of all of these moments
He has taken my son from my arms
I can't hug him, or kiss him, or hold him
And now life has lost much of its charm

But I know this is not the whole story
Death's defeat is surely to come
One day Christ will come in with His kingdom
And life will forever have won.

Then we'll hike to the tops of the mountains
And we'll talk of God's stories of old
Maybe I'll kiss your cheek while your sleeping
And I know that for Him you'll be bold.

8 comments:

Jason said...

Wow. Very moving. Less dark than what I wrote that week.

You and Steph have been often in my prayers Mark. Keep your eyes fixed in Him as the waves crash around and you will remain on top of the water (a bit wet and cold maybe).

Hollow sounding advice from someone who has not endured what you have. I feel as though I should be sitting at your feet.

May the Lord bless you and keep you...

Anonymous said...

I love it Mark, I really do. Thank you for sharing. I love and miss my nephew every moment, everyday.
I can't wait to see you guys, the 20th, right? I'll be at the airport waiting.
Tell Steph I love her, and tell her to call her little sister.
I love you brother!
~Robin

Phil said...

Mark,
You are amazing! I had to stop half way through the song. My eyes were full of tears. I can relate all of the words to my own thoughts of Paul as well. You and Steph are the most amazing couple that I know. Your strength and faith is uncanning. I have read all the archives and I strongly suggest pursuing the PHD. You have a gift. I have read several (O.K., a few) books with not nearly the expression and well written words that I read here.

Know that Jill and I think of Paul everyday and pray. Many, many tears have and will be shed. It is amazing that I am constantly comforted by the toughts and words of you, the only man that hurts 100 times more. You are an inspiration to all you know.

Mark, you know I have always called you and age that was 5-10 years younger. You were 8 forever, then 14, then 18. I don't know when it happened, but you passed me up. I feel that you are quickly moving past me. What are you know, 35?

Jill came to me this morning in tears and told me how amazing you are. I was very anxious to read your site and WOW! You are an unbelievable person and Steph is just as amazing. I am sorry that this comment turned into a book, but I just keep writing.

We love you both with all of our hearts and are unexplainably proud of you. We are so looking forward to later this month when you are here. Give Steph a big hug and hope to talk to you soon.

Mark said...

Jason. Thank you so much for your prayers, and for the encouraging word. I don't think any advice that involves focusing on Jesus is hollow.

Robin, I'm glad you like it. You are a good Aunt. We're looking forward to seeing you.

Phil, thanks so much for the encouraging words. You are a great brother and friend. It has been so good to be able to walk through this valley with you and Jill and all the family that has been so good to Steph and I. While reading books about similar situations to ours we realize that God has been very good to us since losing Paul. So many people have come alongside of us and helped propped us up, and God has comforted us in the deepest places of our heart. No I'm not 35, although people are usually surprised when they find out how young I am - I think it is because I don't smile enough:)

Anonymous said...

It is a beautiful song and touches my heart each time I read it. Dad and I pray for you and Steph every single day and pray that God will comfort you and bring joy to your hearts again. I still have tears for you and for Paul. We miss him and miss the joy he would have given all of us. Know that there are many grieving with you and we love you.
mom (nannie)

Anonymous said...

It is a beautiful song, Mark. When you speak of walking over God's mountains, images from C. S. Lewis's 'The Last Battle' fill my mind.

blessings to you, brother.

-Rob Plummer

Julie Thornes said...

Mark-
I think and pray for you & Steph often. Always remembering God's amazing grace. Yet still asking, WHY?
Thanks for being a dear friend to Joshua.
Merry Christmas

Mark said...

Merry Christmas to you too Julie, and thanks for your prayers and kind words.

We're looking forward to hearing from Josh anytime now about the new arrival:)